I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
