I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
