so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
