My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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