in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
