I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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