Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
