you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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