What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
