i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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