The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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