Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
