***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
please come you make the beer taste better
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Randomize