I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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