I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She bit a glass in half.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize