I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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