Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
