ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
