He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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