dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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