i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize