My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
