Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
