How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
