Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
