it was like eating out sand paper
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
