Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
