You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
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