My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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