is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
