After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
