I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
