she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
