Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I pour the whiskey from now on
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
