Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
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