they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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