I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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