I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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