Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
