Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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