Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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