Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just want nice things and good sex
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Randomize
