What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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