So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
