you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The uberlube is also flammable
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
