Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
