so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
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