The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
