dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
