I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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