Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
