haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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