I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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