I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
