I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize