I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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