I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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