Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
