I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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