Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You need a sexual gate keeper
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
