Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
