non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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