Duck Duck Cougar?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
The power of my boobs compel you
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
