His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
