do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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