Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Randomize
