What did we do last night that was yellow?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
