ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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