Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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