I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
