I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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