yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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