I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
