I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
