I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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