Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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