A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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