I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
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