Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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