I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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