I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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